Two Men Ought Not Lay Togethar asked: TRUE STORY–This happened Tuesday
So my cousin, i’m not going to say which political spectrum she falls into I will let you make your own assumptions, comes over to my house with her kid. Beautiful little kid! Anyway, she brings him in the house and hes got on those Croc shoes. Hes sitting around the house playing with toys by himself and then runs/stumbles up to his mom and hints he’s gotta go to the bathroom. Well she brings him into the bathroom and do their thing.
She comes out and I say “Oh, your potty training him already cool!” She says “Well hes 14 months old already. Hes gotta go through Toilet Learning sometime.”
I ask her “Did I miss a page or something when it was changed to “Toiled Learning”?”
She Says “Well you make the child feel inferior by saying Potty Training. My Son is an equal in this world.”
I say “I agree with him being equal completely.”
I then proceed to play with him and talk to him. Obviously he can’t do a whole lot of talking back but I do what anyone picking up a baby does. “Hey there wittle guy, tickle tickle tickle.” Something close to that.
She angrily says “Please don’t talk to him like he is challenged it doesn’t help him.”
So I nix that. She came over so I could help her fill out some papers for her new house so we proceed to sit and my kitchen table. I turn on the NICK channel and we start our work. I run into another room and come back and there is like the music channel on where its a black screen with only the song title and some wierd Jazz music on. Well thinking the little guy hit the controller I go switch it back to NICK.
She walks out in the room and says “I changed it, he doesn’t watch cartoons.”
I Say “Really? What kid doesn’t watch cartoons?”
She says “Well hes not learning anything watching garbage cartoons so I just put on music for him. I don’t want him to grow up being one of those kids that plays video games.”
At this point I just stop interacting with her kid the rest of the day because I can’t seem to do anything correctly.
When they are leaving I say “See ya later buddy!” and put up my hand for a high five.
I kid you not she picks him up and says “We dont want him learning that hitting people is ok.”
Then I notice the CROC shoes he has on and say “How fast does he outgrow his shows at that age?”
She says “Within a few weeks generally.”
I Say “Ah is that why he wears croc shoes?”
She Says “No he wears croc shoes because they are 100% recyclable they are more eco friendly than wearing shoes made from slaughtered animals.”
I muster through a happy goodbye and they are on their way. Now anyone from any political class please–does this sort of stuff not bother the living hell out of you? Kids can’t watch cartoons? Kids can’t give a “High Five” because its now Hitting? Gimmie a frickin’ break.
**I also forgot to tell you about the part where I have a 4 year old and dont have outlet covers because he was taught early on what can happen. And the part where your supposed to lock your doors in broad daylight when your home because people can still get robbed when your at home. And the part where it is irresponsible to have a child and a pet because you neglect one or the other.
REMI
